Sexual Orientation vs Gender Identity

On the whole, as a society, we have been conditioned to assume that sexual orientation is linked to gender identification. During the last sixty to seventy years or so we have become more and more enlightened regarding sexual orientation. People are starting to realize that not only is it OK, but it is perfectly normal to be attracted to and even fall in love with people of the same sex. It is not biologically hard wired into our bodies that someone born with a penis will be attracted to someone with a vagina and vice versa. That dichotomous classification is a social construct, primarily as a result of religious ideologies. As we learn more and more about the human body and how the brain actually works, we have started to let go of those dangerous assumptions.

But we still have a lot of work to do in separating gender from biological sex. Again, as a society, we assume that the gender of someone with a penis is a man and someone with a vagina is a woman. But that is another dangerous dichotomy. Biological sex is determined by physical anatomy. You are either male, female or intersexed (having both male and female organs.) But gender is something completely different. It is not linked to physical sex and it is not link to sexual orientation. It is an emotional and intellectual construct. It is based on how we feel and think, the things we enjoy doing and the ways in which we interact with the world around us. Gender is not male vs female. It is more like male and female are the two polar extremes with a myriad of variations in-between and when we accept the reality of those variations our lives become fuller and more glorious.

Something that I run into all of the time, even amongst the LGBT community, is the assumption that since I am transitioning from male to female, that must mean that I am attracted to men. The fact that I have always been attracted to women is looked at as denial and that I am actually a closet homosexual. That simply is not the case. As enlightened as we have become regarding sexual orientation, we really need to start opening our minds a little more about gender identity. I am a lesbian with slight bi-sexual leanings. I always have been. As a man, when I tried to explain this to people they assumed I was being a jerk with the whole 'lesbian stuck in a man's body' routine trying to pick up women. I had hoped that once I began presenting as a woman that I would be better understood, in many cases, that hasn't happened. I have had lesbian women confused as to why I prefer women. I always ask them if they are lesbian. When they say they are, I simply say, "So am I." In the end, they always get it. But seriously, I shouldn't have to work that hard to explain.

Sexual orientation, biological sex and gender identification are three completely separate things. Once society gets there collective minds wrapped around that concept, maybe we will start being more accepting of each other and discover the wonders that we all have to offer each other. Until then I will continue to be patient, smile and try to explain to anyone that politely asks.