Really, I Just Need to Pee

I'm going shopping today. I will end up at a mall or two, likely go to Evilmart (Walmart) and likely a couple of restaurants. One thing I can guarantee is that I will be using the bathroom in all of these places. Why? Because I have issues with frequent urination.

"Ewwwwwwww, why did you tell me that?"

Because it is relevant to this post. Unlike a lot of people, I can't simply 'hold it' until I find a nice private bathroom someplace. When I have to go I absolutely have to go, there is no waiting around hoping the need will pass for a while. Sometimes I wonder if this is because of being uncomfortable with bathrooms when I was growing up. I would spend every day at school holding it for as long as possible because I hated using the boys room. It was wrong, I felt like I shouldn't be there. And quite frankly, boys can be a bit mean to each other when there aren't any adult witnesses around. So, I did everything I could to avoid them. If I couldn't wait until I got home, I would make sure I excused myself during class so I would be alone in the bathroom. But I couldn't do that too often or I would get in trouble. I'm not sure that is the reason for my frequent urination issues, but I have my suspicions.

That brings me back to today. What do I do about this while shopping? Most people have no clue that this is even an issue, but it is one of the biggest issues that transgender people face. Why? Because most people do not actually recognize us as being the gender we are presenting. They still consider a trans woman to be a man in women's clothing. So, when they see a trans woman in a public bathroom, many of them tend to flip out. At best, they will yell and scream. At worst they will get out the mace. But if a trans woman uses the men's room and there is someone there offended, at best she will be violently accosted, at worst she will end up in the hospital or morgue. So we have two choices, do we want to get yelled at, or beat up? Obvious choice is get yelled at.

Now don't get me wrong. This doesn't normally happen. Normally I go into the ladies room, do my business, wash my hands a leave. No one give it a second thought. But there are times when it does happen. So that is constantly on the mind.

The question then becomes, how to minimize the chances of negative events? There are few ways. You can try to schedule your day so that you are at an establishment that has either unisex bathrooms or single private gender specific bathrooms. That is well and good for a lot of people. But for someone that has the issues that I have, it isn't always feasible. A lot of places now have family rooms. They are designed for single parents with children so that a little girl does not have to go in to the men's room with her father or a boy the women's room. The times that I have asked establishments about transgender use of bathrooms I have been informed that I should use the family room. OK, I can do that. But it really kind of sucks, don't you think? When we are forced to use separate bathrooms, doesn't that relegate us to second class citizenry? I know it feels rather degrading to me. But if that is what I have to do then that is what I will do. At least I'm not forced to use separate water fountains or sit in the back of the bus.

The good news is that more and more businesses, and even some municipalities, have started including transgender protections that include use of public restrooms. So, in some places you have legal protections that allow you to go pee. Even then there is still the possibility that you will be yelled at or accosted. But at least you won't end up having to deal with the police just because your are trying to go to the bathroom. But, still, it is good news. It means that progress is being made.

There is a really helpful utility online called Safe2Pee. It lists places were transgender people can feel comfortable about using the restroom. It also allows you to enter places that you know are safe. The website is located at http://safe2pee.org/new/ The sad thing is that there was ever a need for this tool in the first place. It is my hope that as time goes on, we will learn to treat each other with dignity and respect. Until that happens, I will hold my head up high, enter the ladies room with confidence and do what I have to do. Why? Because I am a woman, and I deserve to be treated as one.
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