Transgender is Not my Gender Identity

When I first created this blog I planned on doing at least a post a week. But it didn't take long for me to run into a block. I really didn't have much else to say on the subject of transitioning other than to keep talking about how amazing my life has become once I stopped hiding who I really was.

But recently I have realized that there are things that are common sense to me because this is my life, that are not so common sense to others. So I may be writing a post here and there about those things. This post is not for people going through transition. This post is for friends and family of transgender men and women... or boys and girls for that matter since more and more transgender individuals are coming out at much younger ages.

First off, let me give a disclaimer. This is from my perspective and those of several of my transgender friends. I'm sure there are trans* individuals that feel differently.

Here's the thing. Most of the transgender people I know do not identify as transgender. Being transgender is a physical and cultural process that many people must go through, but that is not how we identify. We identify as the gender or gender variation that we present. I am simply a woman. I think as a woman, I exist as a woman and in all aspects of my life, I am a woman. So, when people that I know think about me, I hope that they simply think of me as a woman. But I suspect that many, even though innocently, think of me as this other gender that is transgender.

That way of thinking perpetuates the separate but equal mentality that has caused so many societal ills for hundreds of years. If you have a friend of family member that is a trans man then he is simply a man. Please try to keep that in mind, not just when you are interacting with him but any time you think about him. You might think this is a small and unimportant thing, but it truly will make a difference with him. The same goes for the trans woman in your life. She is a woman, think of her only as a woman and never think of her as a trans woman. Or maybe this friend or family member is gender queer and identifies as neither male nor female or maybe a combination of both. If so, ask them to define for you exactly how they identify and simply think of them as that.

This sounds like it should be so simple. But I'm sure that it isn't. Even I have had problems in the past with thinking of some of my friends as transgender instead of thinking of them as men or women. Over time I have adjusted my thinking and now I actually forget that these friends are transgender. They are just my friends, and they deserve my respect in thinking of them as the gender they are presenting.